Either you deal with what is the reality, or you can be sure that the reality is going to deal with you.

Alex Haley

I have found this to be true. When I deny reality, I don’t acknowledge what “is”. If I don’t acknowledge what “is”, I am destined to solve the wrong problem, get mad at the wrong person, or go in the wrong direction.

Why do I do this?

Because I don’t want to face it. Reality sometimes shows us the pain we must face.

But, reality can also show us the way forward.

What does it mean to embrace reality?

To embrace reality means seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly.

If we don’t face reality, however, the same problems will come up again and again. This was the case with my depression. Instead of seeing my propensity towards it based on my family history, I thought the problem was other people. I didn’t see the problem was with me. Later, I thought the problem was a chemical imbalance in my brain. I didn’t see that I had just taken on unhealthy and dysfunctional ways to cope with my fears, doubts, and circumstances. I thought that drugs would heal me, but they failed. I also wondered if the problem was that God didn’t love me and I just wasn’t worth the bother. These beliefs were a problem.

Eventually I found the actual root of my depression, which was an unhealthy body. On top of that were unhealthy mental health skills and a distorted view of the Universe and my place within it. I had to embrace each of these realities and change my habits to overcome depression.

Here are some facts about reality:

Reality means time marches on even when we want things to stay the same.
Reality means seasons come and go.
Reality means relationships change.
Reality is sometimes sad.
Reality is sometimes amazing!
Reality is now. It is not what you project into the future.
Reality is now. It is not what has happened in the past.

Why is embracing reality a good habit?

Embracing reality is the only way to move forward with your life even though it can be painful.

Reality is showing us what “is”. If we are having a negative reaction to it, that just means there is something inside of you that needs fixing.

Reality is not good or bad. It just “is”. How we react to it is what can get us in trouble.

Reality, really, is quite kind.

It is a light that shows us the way.

Embracing reality is a good habit because it allows you to move forward. When you see the problem or situation clearly, you can do something about it. Look at the situation objectively without slapping emotion or assumptions on it.

Have you ever played Wack-A-Mole? It’s just like reality! If you focus on just one negative part of reality and crush it with a hammer, it will pop up in another area of your life. Until you face all of reality, heed its sign, and face it head on, you are playing a losing game.

Byron Katie has a program called “The Work” in which she has people face the reality of a certain difficult situation by asking four simple questions. I have found it very helpful in working through situations to see the wholeness of reality.

Think of a situation that is troubling you. Here are the four questions to ask yourself:

Is it true?
Can you absolutely know it is true?
How do you react when you believe that thought?
Who or what would you be without that thought?

I highly recommend doing “The Work” using the “Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet” available free on Byron Katie’s website. By simply questioning yourself, you will come to the reality of any difficult situation in front of you.

How can you form the habit of embracing reality?

My book So Now What? A Guide for People Who Feel Stuck and the accompanying workbook So Now What? A Guided Workbook to Get Unstuck will help you to see reality. The premise of my book is that there are many things that get us stuck and unable to move forward. Sometimes we don’t want to see the reality of our difficult situations. Our conditioning, past experiences, and fears about the future cause us to get stuck. When we look at where all this comes from, we can break free.

Other ideas include:

Write out your thoughts and beliefs in a journal and challenge the reality of them
Spend time meditating or praying
Breathe!
Train yourself not to react but accept what just happened
Consider other reasons for what is happening besides the ‘reality’ you believe
Do not project fear or destruction in the future
Simply observe whatever is happening right now without judgment
Realize that your first thought may not be correct
Smile
Feel your uncomfortable feelings and just let them pass through you
Take action
Do not try to change things that are out of your control