I’ve gone my whole life believing that most people think like me.
Why would I believe that? Well, because I had surrounded myself with people who thought mostly like me, and I could ignore our differences because they were relatively small.
Then came politics over the past 10 years. The differences between my thinking and others began to be highlighted by social media, manipulated in the algorithms, and monetized by advertisers.
Why do I keep forgetting that I’m the product?
The feeding frenzy of disagreement fed the ugly side of my ego that always makes me right. The dopamine hits I got from disagreement rewarded reinforcement of a belief, … not the truth.
But, but, but, I just want to have the last word!
On a recent stroll around my neighborhood without the distraction of my phone and a stomach that needed to digest dinner, I noticed a lot of diversity. People come in all shapes and sizes. To be clear, this is a “no duh” statement. For some reason, it hit my pre-frontal cortex that evening.
What I realized on that walk was that I don’t know each person’s story, their history, experiences, or trauma. I don’t know what they value, who they live with, or what brings them joy. Holy schnikes, my brain began to explode with the complexity of all these questions. I also don’t know how stars are formed, how to get my body to execute a good golf swing, and why most states don’t make daylight savings time permanent.
As I let this realization sink in, I realized how silly it was to believe that most people think like me. It was causing me a lot of grief and discontent! Wouldn’t it be easier to let people be who they are instead of forcing them into my way of thinking?
Yes, but to be fair, they are wrong for not thinking like me … JK
I heard (not literally) a new train of thought coming down the tracks. Why had I not previously considered these factors seriously? They are so obvious! As obvious as the hair on my legs.
Here are some plain reasons people think differently than you and me. Put these in your pipe and smoke ‘em.
Family – We each have two unique parents whose personalities affected us in individual ways. Our birth order, the age and health of our siblings, and the place where we grew up impacted how we see and experience the world. This carries over into adulthood, unless of course, you’ve had a bout of amnesia and have forgotten all that.
Some people are able to move beyond their family of origin and become a new and unique person. Most of us, though, carry traits we learned early in life. This isn’t good or bad. It’s just something important to consider when looking at how others think.
Biology – I was born with crossed eyes. The doctors put glasses on me at 9 months to fix this awkward looking infant. Patching, eye exercises, and surgery did not improve the situation. I was stuck with an eye that wandered towards my nose and thick lenses that exaggerated this homely feature. Through no fault of my own, my biology gave me a unique view of the world (pun intended).
It’s amazing that I got mono shortly after New Year’s Eve.
Your biology, and mine, has an impact on how we think.
Culture – this word is a bit overused right now and many people see it as all “woke” and everything, but it’s absolutely a legit reason for why people think differently. Culture includes common customs, values, habits, and attitudes. It depends on who you spend your time with, how you perceive the world from your gender, what institutions require of you, what you perceive as the proper way to dress, what you see as art, your economic status, and many more factors.
If you’re a woman, just think of how your life would be different if you had been born a man. Let’s not get started on menstrual cycles, eyebrow plucking, and high heels. We can only dream of no monthly hormone fluctuations, respect for our words simply because they are spoken in a lower tone, and the absolute positive belief that we are always right.
If you’re a man, just think of how your life would be different if you had been born as a woman. See above and tell me seriously that you’d rather have been born female.
Another example showed up when we lived in Iowa. Iowans are salt of the earth. Fantastic. Beautiful. They are just one state away from where I grew up so how different could it be? Very different! They ride in cars ‘Iowa style’. Women in the back, men in the front. Seriously? They also segregate in different rooms at parties. I like talking to men! (To be fair, that was the 90s, so things may have changed.)
Compared to all the world’s population, almost no one lives in your specific culture. That’s why almost no one thinks like you do.
Experiences –
Have you lived a life not being able to see in 3 dimensions? I have.
Did you ever wonder where your cat ran off to, only to find it dead on the side of the road? I did.
Did you punch a neighbor boy in the nose because he told you, “No girls allowed”? I did.
Were you lonely in a neighborhood full of kids because you didn’t know how to make friends? I was.
Have you won an Oscar? Yeah, me neither.
Our experiences shape how we think, feel, and act in the world. No one in the world has all your experiences.
Time in History – My mom was born at a time in history when society embraced the idea that homemaking was the only truly proper and fulfilling role for women. This shaped how she thought and acted in the world. I was born one year after the first Barbie doll was released. Between this hip new doll who was independent and Mary Tyler Moore, I could see real possibilities for my life that my mom never could. My husband was born at a time when teachers literally hit students with the ruler. Our sons were born at a time when they got a ribbon for every event they participated in. They could not image NOT feeling special.
When you were born matters how you think and act in the world. Consider how this impacts others.
Instead of believing that everyone thinks like you, it would be easier to take a step back and consider the impacts of family, biology, culture, experiences, and time in history a person was born into before being frustrated with them. You are then allowed to be non-judgmental. This understanding will give you the freedom to let people be their own unique selves.
It’s an easier way to go through life.