How well do you know people?
We have different kinds of relationships. The depth of them depends on how much we know about each other. You may know where someone works, who they’re married to, how many kids they have or what their hobbies are.
These are things we know about many people. This is an acquaintance level of relationship. You know their stats. It certainly creates connection when we know these things about others.
Rich and Howard became friends because their boys were in Boy Scouts together. Both Rich and Howard had many interesting hobbies. They first bonded over these activities.
Having commonalities is all fine and good, but does that mean you really know someone?
Go Deeper
There’s another level of familiarity to have with others. You may know they struggle with alcohol, their spouse cheated on them, they’re estranged from their parents, or they are about to lose their job. These are secrets we don’t share with just anyone. We only share these with a trusted and good friend.
Often, we’re closer because of these connections. Sometimes these secrets are what draw people together. They have the same struggles, or a common enemy. They might have the same ideas about politics, religion, or what they’re passionate about in life.
Rich and Howard knew each other’s secrets. They supported one another through the death of a child and a spouse. They also celebrated each other’s successes. They traveled together and wrote each other comical poetry. When they turned 50 years old they did their own version of a triathlon and did it again at 60.
They were very different men. One ran a business and traveled the world. The other spent his career teaching humanities and enjoyed many extreme adventures in his retirement. It wasn’t simply what they had in common that drew them together but each other’s appreciation of their differences.
They also had other friends and interests. And they had great respect for one another.
Sharing each other’s secrets or having similar passions is wonderful. But there is still a deeper level of friendship.
Do you know them well? Do they know you?
Deeper Still
The deepest level of relationships is marked by knowledge, understanding, and appreciation of each other’s spirit. When you know someone at this level, you know what they have faith in. Is it themselves, the government, God, the universe, or nature? You also know what they hope for. These hopes may be drastically different than your own, but you’re interested in theirs.
When you know someone’s spirit, you know what are they grateful for. Again, they may value and be grateful for very different things than you, but you’re simply happy they have something to be grateful for. You know about their life purpose and understand how they’ve pursued it. You don’t have to have the same purpose or even have one at all. You simply appreciate that they do.
You know what brings them joy. You know what makes them feel loved and also how they show it. You know what is meaningful to them and how they would describe a perfect day. Knowing these things about another means you know their spirit.
When Howard’s passing was imminent, he called for the love of his life, his children, and Rich, to say good-bye. The two men sat together, reminisced a bit, and held hands. They had lived a lifetime together, knowing each other’s spirit. Their beautiful lifelong friendship was based on knowing each other deeply, understanding their differences, and appreciating all the other was.
To see, know, and understand someone get to know their spirit.
We were meant for deep connection. Our spirit is longing to be known. Our spirit is longing to give.
It takes time and effort.
It takes putting yourself aside because you long to know them.
How well do you know others?