Do you want to be perfect?
Most of the time.
Do you want others to be perfect?
More than most of the time.
What is perfect anyway?
Whatever I say it is.
Below are things perfection is and is not.
PERFECTION IS Extreme
Perfection uses words like always and never. It leaves no grey area. There are no exceptions in the world of perfection. Like the keys on a piano, perfection deems things black or white, this or that, all or none. This dualistic mindset leaves little room for differing perspectives or growth.
I try not to use the words always and never. It just messes up my thinking. He always, . . . she never, . . . you see where this is going. If, when we lied by incorrectly using an always or never, our noses grew like Pinocchio, we would have a hard time finding a mask to cover our sniffer.
Isn’t it great the mask mandate has been lifted?
Extreme is . . . well . . . extreme.
PERFECTION IS Difficult
If you tried to move through this maze right now without any thought you would probably have to double back a few times to get to the end. In other words, it would be difficult and you would not do it perfectly. When we hold ‘perfection’ as the standard, we go through our days being disappointed with ourselves or others when we have to double back. That is difficult.
Try instead, observing what is happening without judgment. This allows you to accept reality instead of being disappointed and feeling failure. That is easier! Take each dead end as a learning opportunity or something to laugh about. Accepting failure is the easiest way to success.
PERFECTION IS Silly
Silly is something to laugh at, like a clown with big shoes in a tiny car.
Being upset things are not perfect is also something to laugh at. Wouldn’t it be funny if your friend said something like this? “Everyone drives perfectly. They go exactly the speed limit, signal all their turns, and never snarf down a burger while driving with their knee” How would you respond to that? Scratch you head? Ask them if they got enough sleep last night? Be dumbfounded?
But we do this! We expect other drivers to act perfectly (at least according to us – see what Perfect is Not below). When they don’t, we get our undies in a bunch like this is out of the ordinary.
Isn’t that silly?
Perfection is silly.
PERFECTIONISM IS A Sign
Perfectionism is a clear sign of an identity that has been challenged and is not completely in-tact. A person who tries to be perfect is looking for ways to get other people to accept them because they don’t truly accept themselves.
Ouch.
If you find yourself trying to be perfect, understand that it is a beautiful sign. It’s a sign that you can stop trying so darn hard to be perfect in other people’s eyes and work hard at being completely fine in your own eyes.
Let’s also define what perfection is not.
PERFECTION IS Not Definable
Sometimes we attempt to define what perfect looks like. That’s great if you can keep that definition to yourself.
You see, everyone will have a slightly different definition of what perfect is. To me, a blue couch is perfect, but you may think the brown one is. I think it would be perfectly fine if people kept their mouth shut when they don’t know what they’re talking about, but you enjoy listening to people verbally process. I believe one faith practice is perfect and you think another is.
Perfect is just a preference. Before you deem an idea, personality type, or breed of dog perfect, take a moment and ask yourself if this perfect opinion is universal. If you can see that your perfect opinion doesn’t qualify as truth to everyone, your life will be much easier! You’ll be able to accept other people’s version of perfect.
Why make yourself miserable fighting reality?
PERFECTION IS Not Desirable
What if you attained perfection? Would that be it? Would people love you more? Would you quit trying?
When we desire perfect and define it according to our own viewpoint, we close ourselves to other perspectives. Declaring a dinner with friends as perfect means the next dinner with friends has a definition to live up to. If there is not as much laughter or deep conversation the next time, we will walk away somewhat disappointed.
It would be better to say, “that dinner with friends was great! I enjoyed the time together.” Then let it go. Live presently instead of comparing one thing to the next and describing things as perfect or not perfect.
Why desire something that is not attainable? Why stretch for something that will be the end? It will do nothing but cause you angst. Do not desire perfection.
Accept what it is. It’s called reality.
PERFECTION IS Not A Thing
Perfection is not a thing but a concept. It is not something to hold, define, aspire to, or conclude. Perfection is simply accepting imperfection. This leads to peace, contentment, and creativity.
Here are some questions to help you sort out your tendency to be perfect from my book, So Now What? A Guided Workbook to Get Unstuck. Give yourself a gift and take time to write out the answers. See what wisdom is revealed.
What are you expecting to be perfect?
Why?
How is trying to be perfect keeping you stuck?
What new expectations, short of perfection, will you embrace to be free?