Sometimes the opinions and actions of others make me irritated and unable to love. Love is, however, not about me and my feelings, but it is about them and their feelings. Love is a verb. It is an action. It is something done on purpose towards someone else.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love is difficult to do.
Quit Judging
I was annoyed. I didn’t like their opinions and, therefore, I didn’t like them.
Wow, that’s shallow!
I sat with God and asked, ‘how do I love? Their thoughts and opinions are so riddled with flaws that I’m having a hard time getting to love.’ He gently said to me,
‘don’t judge’.
When I judge, I put up a barrier. When that barrier stands, I cannot love. My judgment brings about impatience
. . . would she just hurry up? Why does she need to go into so much detail?!?
and unkindness.
. . . his approach is all wrong. He shouldn’t be allowed to lead this group.
It causes me to envy what they’ve got or compare my things to theirs.
. . . that big house is ridiculous. Who would spend that much money on a place to live!?!
Judgment can make me boastful and proud.
. . . their kids are so naughty. Our kids are so much more well behaved. We are better parents.
Judgment leads me to speak poorly of others and seek my own attention.
. . . did you hear that Jan is having financial problems? We never spend more than we have.
Judgment gets me angry and can easily turn into a tally of their misdeeds vs. mine.
. . . they are always down at the bowling alley. All they do is drink down there! We don’t go to places like that.
Judgment clouds the truth.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Have You Put Up Barriers?
Is there a barrier in your way to fully love others? Is someone’s ‘behavior’ or ‘harsh words’ distracting you from what they are really saying? Have you lost patience? Are you being unkind? Are you more concerned with proving that you know more than they do rather than listening to what they are trying to tell you? Are you secretly happy about their misfortunes? Are you thinking of your comeback before they have finished their sentence?
Do you want to know the truth?
Love Ain’t Easy
I realized that I was looking for an easy way to love. You see, it’s easy to love those who are just like me and agree with my opinions. That’s why many of us belong to clubs. We hang out with people who see life the same way as we do. In those places, it’s easy to love.
What is not easy is to love those whose opinions I don’t agree with. My judgment of their positions is hard to see through. But love is a verb. Love is patient and kind regardless of whether or not I think they’re right. It does not dishonor another even if I think they are not speaking the truth. It is not easily angered. That’s hard to do when I’m passionate about the topic.
Listen
To make it easier to love, what I need to do is to quit judging, take a deep breath, pause, and listen carefully to what a person is really saying. They may sound critical but what they’re really saying is, ‘I’m unsure about this change’ or ‘I’ve been hurt’. They may be loud and obnoxious but what they’re really saying is ‘please give me attention!’ or ‘I feel so unimportant’. They may be talking about all the bad news in the world, but what they are really saying is, ‘I’m afraid’ or ‘I don’t have control’.
Ask a question
To eliminate the judgment, do not make assumptions. Do not react quickly. Ask questions to find out what they really mean.
To love, we must listen to another person's heart. We will not be able to hear if judgment is in our way.